Wednesday, April 25, 2012

don't even question it

I asked on Facebook the other day if I did a Q&A if people would actually ask me questions and some of you said yes.  So here's the first set of questions.  This will not become a "regular thing", because I hate scheduled blogs and some people are just here to read funny things. So when I'm bored and out of content I'll answer some questions!  It can be anything from a simple question like my favorite color to something political that will cause me to rant on for more than anyone has any interest in reading.  It gives you some say in what I post and it gives me content for when I'm having a hard time coming up with anything or too sad to be funny. So feel free to ask away!


Why did you start this blog?
I started blogging originally in (I believe) 2004.  My first blog was on LiveJournal under the handle "starrie_fairy".  I then proceeded to change my username a billion times.  I'm surprised I still have any friends over there at all.  They must really like me.  I still have a blog over there.  No, you absolutely can't read it, it's way less funny than this and I'm pretty damn picky about who I add over there.

I started using blogspot to document my son's journey with autism on my other blog PDD & Me.  I then realized that I wanted a place to just post things that I liked, or found funny, or just whatever, at the same time I didn't want to open my Livejournal account and make it public.  So that is how "rust and stardust" came to be.


Where did you blog name come from?
I'm not sure if you mean the blog title or the URL so I'll answer for both. The are both actually fragments from poems that I like.

"rust and stardust" is part of the closing line from Humbert Humbert's poem "Wanted" from the novel Lolita.

"ghost of a locomotive" is from Allen Ginsberg's poem "Sunflower Sutra", which is my favorite poem.

Can I follow you on Twitter?
If you ask nicely, don't mind cursing (no really), and let me know what your Twitter handle is then maybe.  My tweets are protected mostly because I got tired of spam & strangerbitches @replying me for things taken completely out of context.

Can I add you on Tumblr?
Yep! I'm anotherwendybird.  

Can I add you on Facebook?
No, not if I don't know you.  Sorry!

Can I ask you a question for the next Q&A?
Yep, ask away!  Feel free to ask me anything in the comments or submit your questions to BAMFmanicpixie@gmail.com. Anything goes so ask whatever, if it's too weird I'll probably just answer you with sarcasm.

Monday, April 23, 2012

DO ALL THE THINGS!!!

Hey kids! Remember somewhere slightly further down this page when I wrote a blog and it was "Things I'm obsessed with right now but this type of blog might never happen again so just enjoy the stuff I post today!"

Guess what?  In the short span of time since that last post I have found more awesome things that people need to know about and love!  I know!  I'm excited too.

First off, I am currently reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened which is written by one of my favorite bloggers The Bloggess.  I have spent the majority of the book crying because I was laughing so hard. I will admit that I did ugly cry out of sadness a bit at the anxiety disorder chapter because as they say "I know that feel bro".  I had to put it down once because I literally couldn't breathe because of the hysterical laughter/crying combination coming from my face.  I bet the cars on the road & my son's bus driver thought I was insane standing on the side of the road laugh/crying to myself,

I purchased the aforementioned book on "the best date ever" this weekend, which means "I drug my husband to the mall to buy me a book and then to see a movie he had no interest in".  Have I ever mentioned that my husband is awesome?  Because he is.  This is where I would link his blog if he were mentally unstable enough to need to prattle on to no one on the internet like the rest of us, but he doesn't have one.  I know, somehow he is mentally stable enough to not need a blog but he's married to me, I don't know how the hell that works either. Now that I think about it, it's probably for the best because if he had a blog it would probably just exist as a testament to the really embarrassing things that I say (like the time I told him that Asia was a country).  Hey he is STILL married to me, I don't get it either, but I'm really thankful for it.

Anyway, I am getting sidetracked. On "the best date ever" we went to Olive Garden & then to the mall because clearly God hates us & that's the only place with a Barnes & Noble.  Then I made him to see The Cabin In The Woods because deep down I knew that he wouldn't hate it.  Finding a movie that I LOVE and he doesn't hate is kind of hard sometimes.  We both like action movies and comic book movies but that's pretty much where the overlap stops.  I like indie movies about misfits, and he likes slapstick comedy and romantic comedy.  No really, once he bought "Drive Me Crazy" when were were dating, and its's been what? 10 years and I am still making fun of him for it. Romantic movies of any kind make me want to punch the entire word in the face so I try not to watch them.

Back to my point, The Cabin in the Woods is a "horror" movie but it's more of a thriller/action movie. It is a Joss Whedon movie.  If you don't know who Joss Whedon is, he is the only reason you'll ever hear me sound like a hipster.  Boyfriend is about to be one of those directors who EVERYONE knows and I'm happy for him but I LOVED HIM FIRST AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.  He is the genius behind Buffy, Firefly, Serenity, and Dollhouse.  He's also the dude who is about to blow your mind with "The Avengers" in a couple of weeks. The point I'm trying to make here is that The Cabin in the Woods movie is an amazing work of genius and if you don't go see it on the big screen you'll probably be pretty pissed off at yourself later.  I imagine it's just way less exciting on a dinky little TV.



Another thing I'm currently obsessed with is Dubble.  Felicia Day talked about it in one of her Fave Five sessions on The Flog and now I can't stop playing it.  I'm a sucker for bubble shooter games and this one is the best one I've ever played.

I'm currently right in the middle of watching Battlestar Galactica and it is amazing.  It makes me have a lot of feelings and I cry a lot when I watch it, which is odd because I am not really a weepy person.  I cry about TV things way more than real life things.  There is clearly something wrong with me.  But if you haven't seen BSG you should totally check it out if Sci-Fi is your thing.  If sci-fi isn't your thing then I'm sorry about your terrible taste in genres.

This concludes my "Things I'm obsessed with right now but this type of blog might never happen again so just enjoy the stuff I post today!" post.  Peace.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

50 Shades of are you effing kidding me?

I'm going to tell you something that might come as a shock, I enjoy writing.  I have always secretly harbored the desire to become a famous writer, just like everyone else in the world.  Realistically I knew that it was just a pipe-dream and I would never actually be "the next David Sedaris", but now I have been given a glimmer of hope!  This glimmer of hope is actually better described as "50 Shades of Grey" or as I like to call it "Steaming Pile of Shit".

I am greatly upset that my species is going ape over something that is not only offensive to women, but more importantly SO poorly written. I find it offensive that what's-her-vag in the story doesn't act on her real desires because what's-his-wang won't like them.  I have only read excerpts because I don't have the stomach for poorly written fan fiction.  It blows my mind that people are paying money to read this.  Buy "The Story of O" if you want some erotica, watch a porn, I mean you can even get porn FOR FREE on the internet.

I know, I know 'different strokes' blahblahblah but listen to this and tell me you don't get secondhand embarrassment over how terrible the writing is.  It's bad when the least disturbing this about this video is that it is read by Cookie Monster.


NOT SAFE FOR WORK, ALSO NOT SAFE FOR LIFE.



So as you might have guessed. I'm rather hopeful now about the becoming a famous author thing.  I mean if this shit can get published and be on the New York Times Bestseller list then surely to God my hysterical chronicling of my absurd life experiences will fly off the shelves.  I even try to use proper grammar and I have a really good editor who will find all of my typos.  I will also have a way more interesting cover image on my book because I'm hoping to get Lisa Frank to illustrate it with lots of glitter and rainbows.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I enjoy being a girl...but I'm really kind of terrible at it.

I'm a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl.  In fact I didn't wear a dress voluntarily until I was in my 20s.  Which might stem from the fact that my mother always made us wear dresses on holidays, birthdays, and to church with hairbows that were larger than our heads.
My childhood as a human helicopter.
I am terrible at dressing myself. I bought my first pair of "heels" last year and the heel is an inch thick.  I fall over when I'm barefoot so stilettos are quite likely never going to happen.

I am horrible at cleaning.  I don't know the first thing about cooking.  I hand sewed something once and SURPRISE I sewed it to the leg of my pants!  I just found out how to volumize my hair, and I'm still pretty tragic with makeup though now it's less of a "my eye makeup looks like a panda" thing and more of an "it takes me an hour to make my face look normal" thing.

When people get engaged I don't ask them questions. I say congratulations and smile while thinking "You poor schmucks!"  I only recently realized that this is not the typical girl response.  Apparently I'm supposed to ask how he proposed, I am supposed to ask to see the ring and ask about the wedding date and the colors and what they are going to wear.  I don't care about any of that stuff...that's their personal business.  I didn't even plan my own wedding, why the heck would I care about the details of someone else's?

I also don't ask about people's children.  Apparently having a child of my own is supposed to make me automagically give a crap about EVERY CHILD EVER but I'm missing that chip too.  I love my kid more than anything in the entire world and I would do absolutely anything for him.  I don't really care about anyone else's children*.   I don't care what your kid made on their report card.  Here's a tip: if a person's eyes gloss over when you mention your children,..they don't care.  Assuming everyone with a child wants to hear details about everyone's children is like saying "You have a computer, so do I! Let me tell you all the specs!" to a person who doesn't care about the inter-workings of computers.  They aren't trying to be rude, they enjoy their computer, but they don't particularly care about your graphics card.

While I'm on the topic of kids can I just say that if you talk baby-talk to a baby in front of me that I will have to use EVERYTHING in my body not to punch you in the face.  The baby doesn't understand language, you are supposed to.  Speak it properly.  You look like a dumbass, I promise, even the baby thinks so.

I have always had way more guy friends than girl friends.  The girl friends I do have are awesome and we typically have much more interesting conversations than I do with my guy friends.  The ratio is probably something like 80% male friends and 20% female friends so I by default hang out with guys more often.  I wish I could get to like a 50/50% ratio but I don't really foresee that happening.  Another reason is probably that I'm not a girly girl.  I am loud, I cuss like a sailor, I drink beer, I burp, and I'd rather shoot pool (poorly mind you) than go to a dance club.

Even if you think I'm an asshole, I assure you that I only kind of am.  I am just really awful at realizing these are things I'm supposed to be good at or care about.  I've always been pretty comfortable in my own skin.  I've only just begun to realize that not everyone feels that way.  I have never really cared what anyone else ever thought about me.  I'm  fine with being terrible at "girly things".  As long as I'm okay with myself I don't care if no one else likes me.  I only have to live with myself everyday and I think I'm pretty awesome, even if I am domestically handicapped and have a potty mouth.

*There is a VERY small exception of a few friend's kids that are just really cool.  If I've never asked you about your kid then it's not you.

Monday, April 16, 2012

passive girls and active boys

My son brought these books home last week from the school library.  I was pretty proud of him for choosing two completely different types of book so I took this photo.  The plan was to upload it and talk about how he had chosen a book about a boy and MORE importantly a GIRL who go on adventures, and also a book about a tea party involving dolls.  I was really excited that he had chosen what I assumed to be a book about a girl who goes on adventures with a male companion and battles dragons.  I also thought it was cool that he wanted to get a book about dolls since he is in a classroom with all boys and many of them are three grades above him.

Anyway, the problem with this ended up being that the doll book was exactly what you'd expect but the Dragon book was infuriating.  If I had paid closer attention to the cover of Dragon Scales I might have noticed that while it sort of looks like the kids are both playing together, that is the opposite of true.  Throughout the book the siblings walk about their little play area/forest and the boy battles dragons and sees pirates while the girl picks flowers and leaves.  WHAT?  I was super disappointed, not that there's anything wrong with collecting nature but I was expecting a nice book with two good characters and I get a girl walking around picking up leaves while her brother is being active.  I guess at least she got out of the house?


This brings me to something else I've wanted to talk about. Disney Princesses.  I am really looking forward to Brave and I hope that in the end it's as awesome as it looks like it will be.  I enjoyed Tangled because at least they gave Rapunzel a frying pan and let her rescue him but I think Brave looks more my speed.  I was never one of those girls who played "Princess" or "wedding".  In fact I have never in my life had any desire to be a Princess, that would be so constraining.  I wanted to go to the courthouse instead of having a wedding because well, I'm just that kind of girl.

Growing up my favorite characters were all female and they were all independent in their own way.  I didn't play Disney Princess, I played Alice...the girl who gets transported into another world and goes it alone.  She doesn't stick with any of the weirdos that she comes along who give her varying degrees of help or trickery.

I played Dorothy, and while you could argue that she has 3 male companions, she doesn't ask to.  They ask where she is going and want to tag along, and she lets them.  Dorothy is the leader of the group and in the end she's the one who gets shit done (although unintentionally).  I always liked that she was doing something nice by attempting to throw water on her new friend who had been set on fire by the witch and ultimately it's an act of kindness that kills the villain.  Dorothy never set out to hurt anyone and being a good person got her where she needed to go.

Lastly, I played Peter Pan a lot and I liked Wendy.  Wendy ultimately decides that she wants to go back home.  She isn't going to throw away absolutely everything that she has known for a cute boy and the promise of never growing old. I also felt like by going home she was choosing her childhood over being a parent, the Lost Boys wanted her to be their mother and take care of them.  She considered it but ultimately she knew that even if she had to "move out of the nursery" like her parents said that she would still get to be a child for a little while longer if she returned home.

I'm not going to lie, I'm still looking for my shadow, and I still have a lot of growing up to do.  I just roll with it and hope for the best.  I'm just like everyone else, trying to figure it out and make the best of what happens.  To quote one of my favorite TV shows...


"We like to think we're so smart, that we have all the answers. And we want to pass that on to our children. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you won't have to dig deep to find the kid you were, which is why it's kind of crazy that we're raising kids of our own. I guess that's the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it. You fake your way through it. And you just hope you didn't raise a serial killer." - Phil Dunphy

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I like things, here are some of them.


Back when I started this fabulous blog (apparently in 2010 according to the sidebar) I used to have "Tactile Tuesday", it last lasted about 2 consecutive weeks because I'm terrible at remembering things and half the time I have no idea what day it is.  Tactile Tuesday was called such because I felt like "You gotta get your hands on this right now because it's so awesome!" was kind of long.

I am not going to restart "Tactile Tuesday", I find blogs with that kind of structure grating now. These days I refuse to pull a blog out of my ass for the sake of writing a blog.  If I don't have anything to say it could be a while before I write anything and I feel like that's okay.  I don't have a huge audience (though I would absolutely love to someday), and I don't feel like writing things that I feel are sub-par because OMG it's a specific day of the week.

So I want to welcome you to "Things I'm obsessed with right now but this type of blog might never happen again so just enjoy the stuff I post today!"  I feel like this kind of goes without saying, (but I'm going to anyway) no one has paid me or asked me to say any of this. I don't hawk other people's shit.  If I did I'd let you know.

  • First off, if you don't already know this, I am kind of (ahem REALLY) in love with Felicia Day.  She recently started Geek and Sundry with a bunch of fellow geeks (WIL WHEATON, who I am sure you can tell by the caps I have no interest in.)   You should definitely check out Geek and Sundry if you are a fellow geek.  They have several shows up and running and I'm sure one of them will be relevant to your interests. Even if you aren't a geek you can enjoy looking at the hot geeks on the shows...it's a win/win for everyone.

  • Secondly, I am in love with Myths Retold. This website is absolutely hysterical. They take myths or stories and retell them using humor and loads of cursing.  If you don't like excessive cursing you should just stay away from that site and move on along.

  • Let me start by saying, I am not typically a fan of electronic music.  My husband LOVES electronic music and I tease him and call it "hamster in a wheel music" because it usually bores me and I feel like a hamster, running in a wheel and never actually getting anywhere when I listen to it.  For some reason "Grimes" is different, I can't even explain it, but I am really digging her music.  Huge thanks to Sunny for turning me on to Grimes' music!

  • Mad Men season 5 started a few weeks ago.  I have been a huge Mad Men fan from the beginning but I guess in it's 17 month absence of it being on TV I had forgotten WHY it's my favorite show.  In fact, I waited until this week to catch up on this season and I immediately (literally within the first 30 seconds) regretted waiting.  This show has the best writing on TV hands down.  I feel confident in saying that because I watch a shitload of TV.  The only people that I have heard complain about the show are people who want instant gratification, they don't seem to care about character development, or continuity, they want everything to be BAM! IN YOUR FACE! and that is simply not how this show  works. I think it's also a huge reason WHY the show works, you have to get invested, you have to care, and you have to wait, but the payoff has never ever let me down.  This is the one show on television that I have never thought there was a 'meh' episode of.  Everything in this show happens for a very specific reason which will (at some point in time) be addressed, and that is something that I obviously really enjoy.
  • Last but not least we have the A Song of Ice and Fire Series and Game of Thrones.  I'm  Westeros obsessed right now and there are not enough hours in the day for me to read enough.  The show is amazing but reading the books is so much fun.  With the books you get way more insight into everyone's motives, more action, and even a little bit more of Tyrion's sassy talk.  Basically if you are only watching the show then you are missing out on some pretty interesting details, and if you are only reading the books you are missing all the boobs!  If you are doing neither well then shame on you and get on it!  You will not regret it.


This concludes "Things I'm obsessed with right now but this type of blog might never happen again so just enjoy the stuff I post today okay!". 

Friday, April 6, 2012

Kids Just Don't Understand...but really who cares?

After reading my post here about body shaming macros my dear friend Patrick requested that I tackle another stupid macro meme that is running rampant on the interwebs lately.  Exhibit A:

But hopefully kids these days know that "PROBALLY " isn't a word.

In my opinion the reason these are so stupid is because the toys they refer to still exist.  They are not even hard to find.  If your kid doesn't have an Etch-a-Sketch, Magna-Doodle, and a Viewfinder it's kind of your fault. You are obviously a terrible parent. Go buy them one if you really care about it. None of them cost more than $15.

It's a coaster right?

And here we have the floppy disc!  Are you really upset that your kid doesn't know what this is? Do you feel like you missed out on 8-tracks or Betamax?  Yeah, I didn't really think so.  If you do feel that way then it's okay, you are probably just a hipster.

The "never" is red because this is serious business you guys!  
You couldn't possibly tell them or anything! 
Be sure to use your best grandpa impression "BACK IN MY DAY...", they will LOVE IT.

Our kids will never know the connection between a cassette tape and a pencil!  Oh no! They will also never know how annoying it was to use those cassette tapes to "pirate" music off the radio.  Do you remember being 8 years old sitting waiting for the "Top Ten Countdown" on the radio to finally play YOUR song so that you could record it?  How agonizing it was when you missed those first few notes because your tiny fingers didn't press the record button fast enough?  How annoying was it to have to rewind & fast forward to find where the song that you wanted to hear was?  How many times did you forget that you were recording because you were dancing your ass off and singing into a hairbrush while jumping on your bed and end up with a bunch of songs that you didn't want and eventually had to record over?  (Sidebar: please don't tell my mom I jumped on my bed,...or that I still do...)

Today at my grandparents' house my son picked up the first rotary phone he's probably ever seen.  He immediately knew it was a phone because he isn't an idiot.

Kids will also never understand that we had to blow in our NES cartridges to make them work, or that TV shows aired once a week on a certain channel and if you missed the episode you had to cross your fingers you caught the reruns in the summer.  Their playgrounds aren't made of sharp metal and splintery wood, they don't have to memorize everyone's phone numbers, and they will never have to take film to be developed.  They will text instead of passing notes by shoving a piece of paper inside a hand held pencil sharpener.

Poor them with their iPads, iPods, iPhones, Netflix, ereaders, and cable TV!  You can keep your stinkin cassettes and VHS tapes...I'm going to go flip on my Xbox and watch catch up on the TV I've missed this week.

The following macro basically sums it up for me, though I wanted to live like Pippi Longstocking instead of The Boxcar Children.  I guess we all dreamed about being orphans...that's kind of messed up.

 Don't even act like these aren't your feelings too.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Can everyone please just stop?


I am so tired of seeing these posts on Facebook.  This is not empowering, this is just another form of body shaming.  There's nothing wrong with being skinny, or average, or thick or even overweight.  The thing that is wrong is that people put down other body types to make themselves feel better.  Some people can't help being thin, some people can't help being thick, some people are happy with their weight, and other's aren't. The simple fact is that if it isn't your body it isn't your business.  Stop putting down people for being "fat" and making assumptions about them.  Stop saying "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES!" we are all real women, being a certain shape has nothing to do with it.

If you have  a problem with your weight then do your best to work through it in a healthy way.  Stop throwing shade at people who don't look like you.  It just makes YOU look like an asshole.  Everyone is beautiful, the fact that we're alive an have these bodies is amazing.  So stop tearing people down.  You don't like it when people make you feel badly about how you look so what on earth are you doing reposting these images with negative messages on them?

Can I get an amen?